Sometimes You Can't Help But Write....

Self-love

Weep, baby. Weep, baby.

Not today?

Don't worry.

You'll cry again another day.

I can see it in your face;

You know it's near.

That darkness has stalked you here.

It seeks you, hunts you, needs you, steals you.

Why do you let it in, baby, why?

Why don't you just let it walk on by?

Have you not abused yourself enough today?

You let it choose you, woo you, curse you, bruise you.

It has you so spun;

Soon you are going backwards, forwards, left, right, up, down.

It has you undone.

Then the world starts spinning

around, around, around, around

Until the ceiling comes crashing down

On your head, your shoulders, your back

It pounds

you down, down, down, down

Into the ground

And you think, “my God, I have drowned”.

But you haven't, baby, you haven't drowned.

Do you feel that?

Do you feel that stress inside your chest?

Your lungs they fill with the air you breath

Pressing against your rib.

Feel it, baby, you are alive.

Inhale, expand.

Exhale, try and stand.

Do you hear that?

Do you hear that thrumming, drumming, pumping sound?

It's you heart, baby.

Your heart.

Your heart it still beats against your breast.

Listen to that sound pounding in your chest.

Your heart it beats

Again, again. Again, again. Again, again. Again, again.

Then the pain comes swooping down.

It washes over you, around you, under you, into you.

Seeps down to your core.

But it's okay, baby.

The pain means you're still here.

It means you can still take more.

But you can't take it.

You don't want to.

You want to feel numb.

So you decide to fight it.

You slash, you stab, you scream, you stray.

Just stop, baby, stop!

It doesn't work that way.

You cannot bleed this pain away.

This pain, it hurts,

I know.

I feel it too.

But accept this pain as part of you.

Use it, own it, eat it, hone it.

Use it to mend the open sores.

Use it to heal all the scores

of lies, betrayal, and open-ended tales.

Use it to steel and restore

the frayed edges of your soul

and that fractured, shattered, jagged hole.

It takes time, baby, time to heal.

Time to steel.

I know you want to run away.

Run far, far, far, far away.

But there is nowhere you can go.

There is nowhere that will let you forget what you know.

So stay here, baby, stay with me.

Next time you feel yourself being dragged into that big black fold,

And you reach for,

grasp at,

something to hold;

Hold on to me.

I'll never let you go.

I have not, I am not, and I will never go.

Because I love you, baby, I love you still.

I always have, I do, and I always will.

Because you are me, and I am you.

And there is nothing I wouldn't do for us two.

I will even love you against your will.

Because I need you here.

Here with me.

I will share your hurt, your pain, your grief, your misery.

You will never be alone.

With me, baby, you will always have a home.

So, weep, baby. Weep, baby.

Not today?

Don't worry.

You'll cry again another day.

- P.M.A.