Sometimes You Can't Help But Write....

Self-love

Weep, baby. Weep, baby.

Not today?

Don't worry.

You'll cry again another day.

I can see it in your face;

You know it's near.

That darkness has stalked you here.

It seeks you, hunts you, needs you, steals you.

Why do you let it in, baby, why?

Why don't you just let it walk on by?

Have you not abused yourself enough today?

You let it choose you, woo you, curse you, bruise you.

It has you so spun;

Soon you are going backwards, forwards, left, right, up, down.

It has you undone.

Then the world starts spinning

around, around, around, around

Until the ceiling comes crashing down

On your head, your shoulders, your back

It pounds

you down, down, down, down

Into the ground

And you think, “my God, I have drowned”.

But you haven't, baby, you haven't drowned.

Do you feel that?

Do you feel that stress inside your chest?

Your lungs they fill with the air you breath

Pressing against your rib.

Feel it, baby, you are alive.

Inhale, expand.

Exhale, try and stand.

Do you hear that?

Do you hear that thrumming, drumming, pumping sound?

It's you heart, baby.

Your heart.

Your heart it still beats against your breast.

Listen to that sound pounding in your chest.

Your heart it beats

Again, again. Again, again. Again, again. Again, again.

Then the pain comes swooping down.

It washes over you, around you, under you, into you.

Seeps down to your core.

But it's okay, baby.

The pain means you're still here.

It means you can still take more.

But you can't take it.

You don't want to.

You want to feel numb.

So you decide to fight it.

You slash, you stab, you scream, you stray.

Just stop, baby, stop!

It doesn't work that way.

You cannot bleed this pain away.

This pain, it hurts,

I know.

I feel it too.

But accept this pain as part of you.

Use it, own it, eat it, hone it.

Use it to mend the open sores.

Use it to heal all the scores

of lies, betrayal, and open-ended tales.

Use it to steel and restore

the frayed edges of your soul

and that fractured, shattered, jagged hole.

It takes time, baby, time to heal.

Time to steel.

I know you want to run away.

Run far, far, far, far away.

But there is nowhere you can go.

There is nowhere that will let you forget what you know.

So stay here, baby, stay with me.

Next time you feel yourself being dragged into that big black fold,

And you reach for,

grasp at,

something to hold;

Hold on to me.

I'll never let you go.

I have not, I am not, and I will never go.

Because I love you, baby, I love you still.

I always have, I do, and I always will.

Because you are me, and I am you.

And there is nothing I wouldn't do for us two.

I will even love you against your will.

Because I need you here.

Here with me.

I will share your hurt, your pain, your grief, your misery.

You will never be alone.

With me, baby, you will always have a home.

So, weep, baby. Weep, baby.

Not today?

Don't worry.

You'll cry again another day.

- P.M.A.

Well, Pickle My Beets, and Colour Me Handy...

August is off to a sluggish start. After spending a fabulous long weekend with my sister, her little boy, and my brother, I got the flu. Yeah. Thanks, little nephew. This flu still has me under its thumb, and with all this heat and humidity, the misery is amplified. Alas, I am still able to function, and have found the August Challenge (or rather, the August Challenge has found me)!

Back in May, I purchased a membership with a local CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) program with Stonelane Orchard. A couple of weeks ago, I began collecting my bounty. And o my, is there ever alot of produce for one person! For those of you who are unfamiliar with CSA, essentially you purchase a membership prior to the growing season for a flat rate. Then, over the course of the summer and fall (for the CSA I belong to, the season is 14 weeks), you pick up a weekly basket of fresh local fruits and veggies.

I had been forewarned that it would be too much for one person. I eat alot of fruit and veg, so I figured "Mein, how much could it actually be?". I learned pretty quick that it is alot, and found I was unprepared. With a fridge full of rhubarb, cucumber, zucchini, beets, black currants, banana peppers, chili peppers, sweet peppers, potatoes, green beans, wax beans, black beans, snap peas, tomatoes, cherry/grape/plumb tomatoes, cabbages, etc. (did I mention I have only had two installments thus far??), I couldn't keep up, though I tried honourably!!

Last Saturday at Chapters, while on the phone chatting to my Edmonton friend, I was perusing the books in the cooking section. Just as I walked by a display table, I stopped dead in my tracks and there it was: the bible on preserving fresh fruits and veggies (cue beaming ray of light, harps, and angel choir). The title of this book: "Preserve It!". Doesn't leave much to the imagination, does it?

This book really is a God send for a green "chef" like me. It goes through everything from natural storage to drying to freezing to pickling and everything in between. It even covers how to make your own wine and beer from scratch (pea-pod wine, anyone?). If you are interested in how to preserve food (even smoking and curing meats) I definitely recommend this book. For the novice, it is easy to follow, has LOTS of very helpful pictures, and covers pretty much every type of fruit and vegetable that will come out of your garden.

So, learning how to preserve foods is my Challenge for August. So far, so good (but I have only blanched my beans, so don't applaud me yet). I have beets in the fridge, and hope to get more tomorrow so that I can do a proper batch of picked beets. I will be pickling the banana peppers too, Inshallah!

One thing this book doesn't cover is Sauerkraut. I have cabbage (leftover from the cabbage rolls I made), and I would like to do something with it besides coleslaw. If you have a great recipe, I'd love to get it!

Until next time, just because you didn't grow it, doesn't mean you can't stow it! Let's support our local growers, move out of the "Safeway" safe zone, and practice the age old tradition of food pride and preservation.