Monday, September 6, 2010
Some Trails Are Better Left Un-Hiked...
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Sometimes You Can't Help But Write....
Self-love
Weep, baby. Weep, baby.
Not today?
Don't worry.
You'll cry again another day.
I can see it in your face;
You know it's near.
That darkness has stalked you here.
It seeks you, hunts you, needs you, steals you.
Why do you let it in, baby, why?
Why don't you just let it walk on by?
Have you not abused yourself enough today?
You let it choose you, woo you, curse you, bruise you.
It has you so spun;
Soon you are going backwards, forwards, left, right, up, down.
It has you undone.
Then the world starts spinning
around, around, around, around
Until the ceiling comes crashing down
On your head, your shoulders, your back
It pounds
you down, down, down, down
Into the ground
And you think, “my God, I have drowned”.
But you haven't, baby, you haven't drowned.
Do you feel that?
Do you feel that stress inside your chest?
Your lungs they fill with the air you breath
Pressing against your rib.
Feel it, baby, you are alive.
Inhale, expand.
Exhale, try and stand.
Do you hear that?
Do you hear that thrumming, drumming, pumping sound?
It's you heart, baby.
Your heart.
Your heart it still beats against your breast.
Listen to that sound pounding in your chest.
Your heart it beats
Again, again. Again, again. Again, again. Again, again.
Then the pain comes swooping down.
It washes over you, around you, under you, into you.
Seeps down to your core.
But it's okay, baby.
The pain means you're still here.
It means you can still take more.
But you can't take it.
You don't want to.
You want to feel numb.
So you decide to fight it.
You slash, you stab, you scream, you stray.
Just stop, baby, stop!
It doesn't work that way.
You cannot bleed this pain away.
This pain, it hurts,
I know.
I feel it too.
But accept this pain as part of you.
Use it, own it, eat it, hone it.
Use it to mend the open sores.
Use it to heal all the scores
of lies, betrayal, and open-ended tales.
Use it to steel and restore
the frayed edges of your soul
and that fractured, shattered, jagged hole.
It takes time, baby, time to heal.
Time to steel.
I know you want to run away.
Run far, far, far, far away.
But there is nowhere you can go.
There is nowhere that will let you forget what you know.
So stay here, baby, stay with me.
Next time you feel yourself being dragged into that big black fold,
And you reach for,
grasp at,
something to hold;
Hold on to me.
I'll never let you go.
I have not, I am not, and I will never go.
Because I love you, baby, I love you still.
I always have, I do, and I always will.
Because you are me, and I am you.
And there is nothing I wouldn't do for us two.
I will even love you against your will.
Because I need you here.
Here with me.
I will share your hurt, your pain, your grief, your misery.
You will never be alone.
With me, baby, you will always have a home.
So, weep, baby. Weep, baby.
Not today?
Don't worry.
You'll cry again another day.
- P.M.A.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Well, Pickle My Beets, and Colour Me Handy...
Saturday, July 24, 2010
If You Have a Compass, You Should Chart a Course...
"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry." Earnest Hemingway - A Farewell to Arms
For those of you who know me, I have broken into many pieces, of which I am still trying to locate a few stray fragments to glue back into place. O, Mr. Dumpty, we should talk....
So, I have decided to redirect all this nonsense. I just turned 27 last week, and I am hopefully getting a divorce soon. At 27, I find it particularly hopeless if I am hopeful about being divorced. As well, I can only assume I have just been dumped; when he just stops calling/returning calls, you are dumped, right? That was a let down. I was pretty happy with him. Now I am single again. Yikes.
To redirect, I need to make a change of course. I think I have lost some of the spunk I used to have. I've become dependent on those around me for interest, instead of myself. Now, that's a pity.
So this is the plan: every month until my 28th birthday, I am going to try - and get involved in - something I have never done before. And this is the challenge: it has to be done on a very tight budget. Very tight.
I suppose this might sound like a desperate attempt to bandage my pieces back together again. Maybe it is. I do know that I need to find new challenges, seek new interests, and rediscover my spontaneity. I also need to find my way back to that chunk of who I am that I lost along the way.
Here comes the fun part!! I am open to suggestions! If there is something out there that is fun, quirky, or totally out to lunch, I want to hear about it, but only if you want to read about it! This is what I'm thinking so far:
August - dunno yet
September - still dunno yet
October - Photography Classes
November - Rock Climbing
December - not a clue
January - no idea
February - Dog Sledding
March - help me please!!
April - egads...
May - Hunting Lessons and Workshops
June - sigh...
July - this is harder than I thought
As you can see, I need a hand. I still plan on hiking when I can, and keeping my Edmonton friend up to speed with my workout plans. Plans, plans, plans... but just for a year. After that, your guess is as good as mine.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Sometimes You Have to Shift From Second Gear to Third...

In addition to this, I had also set myself on another challenge to eat as much locally as possible. I went for a little grocery shop today at the local Safeway to see what they would have to offer. I was so disappointed! It was nearly impossible to even find produce that was grown in Canada. Needless to say, I left with just enough to get through the remainder of the week, and then I will hit the farmer's market on Saturday.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Some Things are Better Left Alone

Sunday, April 25, 2010
Chocolate Cake

You see this sign as soon as you enter the trail. I found this placard to be all at once comical, cementing, and heartbreaking. Comical because if you get a chance to hike this area, I'm sure you will agree that it is one of the most peaceful experiences one may have. Cementing because even in areas such as this one, in mined areas, and any other place man decided to lay to waste, nature with all its patience and tenacity, has the ethereal ability to restore itself without prejudice. And heartbreaking because, despite mankind's ability to choose and reason, we still continue to abuse the only thing that keeps us alive and thriving.




